It's been a really long time since I entered anything into this Blog. There are several reasons for that. One reason is that, try as I may to encourage and uplift and use this precious space as a means to allow you to take a look into my soul, it is sometimes misunderstood. I began this record of my existance back when God was doing some pretty powerful things in my life. I wanted to use it to chronicle my journey much like the people in the Bible. They would often build monuments so that they would stop and remember whenever they passed by. They wanted to mark the moment.
Well, I think the last time I wrote here was at the eight month mark of our journey into unemployment. Since that time, I have gone back to work; Tricia is still not working. I started working again on January 13th. January 12th marked exactly 11 months of unemployment. I have blessed to obtain a job that seems to be designed for me. Each requirement on the job description seems to be something that I have experience doing at one time or the other. The crew I work with is a little rough around the edges but they are still good people. We are working our way through the awkwardness of me being the new guy and them getting to know me. I can see myself staying her for a long time.
I am amazed at the transformation during the past 11 months. We never thought we would survive it with everything intact. I have only been working for about 3 weeks so it will take us a long time to get where we need to be financially.
For the most part the transformations have been positive. We have learned to rely on and trust God in a new way. I guess it was the combination of being at home all the time, not really feeling up to exercising that brought about the other transformation. I gained a lot of weight. I mean a lot!! Those of you who have struggled with weight issues know that it seems that the more weight you gain and the more you need to exercise the less you actually feel like it. Even though I didn't have the severe bouts with depression that I expected, it seems that I did experience a physical depression. I just didn't feel like getting out of my chair much less the house. When we would leave home for any reason I couldn't wait to get back home, close the door and retreat to my chair. There would be days that I could not tell you one thing that I actually did. I would watch TV and get on Facebook but that was about it. I would look out the window occasionally and think, "Go for a walk you gravy sucking pig", only to back away and return to my chair. It's not easy walking into the gym for the first time for anyone but it's especially hard when you've been there before and then for whatever reason you stopped. It's hard to handle the looks of judgement. I feel a little like Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart. I preached the message of diet and exercise with a passion. How did this happen to me? I have always had a problem understanding how people can suddenly discover that they weight 700 pounds and can no longer leave their house. I don't have a problem with that anymore. I understand completely. I am nowhere close to 700 lbs, thank God, but I can see how it happens. It happens like everything else, a little at a time.
I am on a journey. A journey to, as my wife puts it, to find Allen again. I have gone to the gym once this week and I am so sore that I thought I was going to have to put my toothbrush on the counter and rub my teeth against it. Every time I get up I feel a twing that lets me know that I have moved in a fashion to which I am not accustomed.
I got selected to participate in Rob's Big Losers for His Radio. Me and four others have been given the chance to change our lives. We each have twelve week memberships at the "Y" to help us in this venture. Every pain I must endure will be worth it. I promised myself that I would be fabulous at 50. The clock is ticking and May 24th 2010 will be here before you know it. I am going to the gym again tonight and probably won't be able to lift my legs tomorrow (it's leg night) but it is good to know that not only will I not be able to kick the cookies away, I won't be able to walk to the refrigerator either.
Blessings
Allen
