In Whom Will You Trust?

This past Sunday I attended Bacalaurette Service for the 2010 graduates. My daughter is among that number so we fulfilled our duty as her family and attended with her. We were excited about the service because the keynote speaker was Dr Ferguson, the Dean of Fine Arts at Young Harris College, where Hannah has decided to attend.
His message that day was "In Whom Will You Trust?". He gave several life examples from his own experiences of how things looked bleak, yet God worked them out for good.
I need those words today. After months of grappling over budgets and control, the county I live in decided at a Commissioner's meeting today that the contract between the county and the company I work for would not be extended.
How do I feel? Let down. I have kept my head up and have not let myself be fearful. I have had a supernatural peace and have tried my best to encourage my fellow employees that this was all going to work out.
I prayed that God woud take this whole situation and bring Himself honor. I prayed that He would work in such a miraculous way that all eyes would see His glory and know that God had come to our rescue. He didn't come and I feel let down. Maybe I didn't pray hard enough. Maybe I was wrong to worry Him with something so trivial when the world is going to Hell in a handbasket.
In only a moment all the peace I had is gone. I have a little over a month before, once again, I find myself in the unemployment line. There is a chance that I could continue to work for the county but the pay scale for my position is far less than what I make now. I had already taken a pay reduction when I took this job. I feel let down. I also feel like a failure.
I remember just four years ago at this same time Ashley was graduating. I was an emotional wreck. Just months before I had left my position in the ministry and I was totally lost. I didn't know what to do. Ashley had already paid all of her expenses for graduation. Had it not been that we received a gift card for helping with Chorus, we wouldn't have been able to have a celebratory dinner. I had no idea what the future held for us as a family. I only knew that I felt let down. I felt like a failure.
I remember thinking a few days ago that I was going to be able to enjoy Hannah's graduation. Even though things are tight; at least I have a job. At least I know there are groceries at home. I find myself experiencing the same emotions.
In whom will you trust? That is the phrase that keeps playing in my mind. I am a little angry. It's hard to trust God sometimes. It's hard to understand the reasons for the path He leads us down. You know, I am tempted to answer, "I will trust in me because that is the only one I can really depend on". I don't even trust in me right now.
I know that I will leave work today and return tomorrow with a different attitude. I made great claims about God this week. I trusted Him to do something....anything. I didn't ask for myself; I asked for the 30 plus people I work with. Most are unbelievers who desperately needed to see a glimpse of God. I asked for my boss that I know is reachable. I have no reason to love this man. He is impatient and demanding. He is critical and sometimes can be mean. But God has allowed me to love him and pray for his redemption.
Tomorrow will be a new day. I will awake tomorrow and once again trust as always. Today, on the other hand, I feel let down. I feel like a failure.

Blessings
Allen