I happened upon a story about Florence Chadwick today. It seems that she became the first woman to swim the English Channel both ways. (Not all at once though) She later attempted to swim the 26 miles between Catalina and the Califonia coast but a thick fog rolled in making it impossible to see anything, especially the coast and the goal. She told her mother who was in one of the boats that she didn't think she could make it, so she was pulled into the boat only to discover that she only a mile away from shore. Because she couldnt' see the destination she was heading far, she lost her focus and gave up.
That's where I feel like I am. I've been swimming for such a long time, the fog has blinded my view. I had this awful sickness for weeks and I barely have a voice to speak much less sing. I tried to sing yesterday, and to be honest, it was so terrible that I gave up. Micah, who was in the next room, came out and never said a word. I know he thought, "He really is a has-been".
These have been fog filled days for us. Our home in limbo, living in vurtual poverty and doing our best to survive and honor God at the same time. We have yet to find a church where we feel that God could use us. We have been attending our home church lately, mostly because it's comfortable, not because anything spectacular is happening there.
We have been swimming and I was just about to the point of giving up and getting back in the boat and saying, "OK God, I can't make it" when I read this story.
I am reminded of a book I read years ago called "God's Eye View". It talked about how sometimes we are like children riding in an elevator filled with adults. All we can see from our level is knees and belt buckles. The adult don't seem to be afraid because they can see from a different perspective. You raise your arms for your dad to pick you up and all of a sudden, you relax. You can see things from your dad's eye view. It makes all the difference. I guess what I'm saying is, "Father, I am afraid. I am drowning in a sea of kneecaps and belt buckles. I am holding my arms up for you to pick me up. Sure I want to be held by you and hear you tell me that everything will be ok, but I also want to see things the way you see them. All I need is a little focus".
I am also reminded of the hymn (Which happens to be my favorite) "The Solid Rock". The chorus says, "Lord lift me up and let me stand by faith on heavens table land. I higher plane that I have found. Lord plant my feet on solid ground."
So, I will continue to swim because I don't want to quit and find out that I was almost there.
By the way, Ms. Chadwick, sucessfully swam the 26 miles two months later. The fog still rolled in but she finished because she kept a mental image of the coast in mind. THAT WILL PREACH!
Blessings
Allen
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