Isaiah 37:14-20 (New Living Translation)
14 After Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it, he went up to the Lord’s Temple and spread it out before the Lord. 15 And Hezekiah prayed this prayer before the Lord: 16 “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, God of Israel, you are enthroned between the mighty cherubim! You alone are God of all the kingdoms of the earth. You alone created the heavens and the earth. 17 Bend down, O Lord, and listen! Open your eyes, O Lord, and see! Listen to Sennacherib’s words of defiance against the living God.
18 “It is true, Lord, that the kings of Assyria have destroyed all these nations. 19 And they have thrown the gods of these nations into the fire and burned them. But of course the Assyrians could destroy them! They were not gods at all—only idols of wood and stone shaped by human hands. 20 Now, O Lord our God, rescue us from his power; then all the kingdoms of the earth will know that you alone, O Lord, are God.”
It's been a while since I have entered anything into this Blog. I haven't had much to say it seems. That is not to say that my life has not had just as many twists and turns as usual but I just didn't think I had anything encouraging to say. People always say, "My mama told me that if Ididn't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all". My mama never told me that. (That is an entirely different subject)
Anyway, I was reading my daily devotion (one of several) and just happened to be in the book of Isaiah. I love the book of Isaiah. It seems that we see God the way He intended; working, active and present. We see lots of failures on the part of the Jews and we see lots of triumphs when God honors them and protects them even though they failed. All they had to do was cry out.
I read over these verses and at first I didn't really "get" it. So I read back a few verses. I had read this story before but I felt that God wanted me to read again....for me.
It seems that Hezzakiah received a scathing letter from the king of Assyria. Basically it said that His God would not protect him and that he was coming to get him and was going to destroy everything and take the city by force. He made a mockery of the very God of Israel. That is the wrong thing to do. Hezzakiah took the letter, spread it out before the Lord and prayed. He told God that this was not just a slap in the face of Israel but it was a slap in the face to the God of creation. The real God. Hezzekiah was not ok with that.
You may say, "what does that have to do with you?" Well, here goes. On Febraury 12th of this year I received my first rejection letter. I got laid off from a job that I had poured my heart and soul into. Sure, things had been rocky for the past year of so but I thought that things would eventually smooth out and I would be able to work at what I loved to do. I've been rejected many times before and always seemed to bounce back. This time it took the wind out of my sails. There have been times when I questioned God but I know it's for His glory.
I was encouraged by my wife and others close by me to spend this time working on one of the passions of my life; song writing. I have several songs I have written but had never submitted any of them because part of me just didn't think they measured up. Sure, they fit the occasion or the times when they were written, but I wasn't sure that they would appeal to anyone else. I have never been into self-promotion so it was hard for me to submit a song. It seemed that everything fell into place and I felt led to submit a song called "Speak the Name". I spent the extra money to send it certified so that I would be sure they got it. Months went by and I received a letter. It always seems that discouraging news comes at just the right time. The letter very politely said that the song wasn't good enough. I was crushed for a brief time but I recovered. I jsut decided that the songs I write are so personal to me that maybe thats what I need to concentrate on; writing songs that minister to me in my personal worship times.
The job search has been constant for me. Even though God has blessed us beyond measure and the bills are paid and we have not missed any meals, I still want to go to work. A position was advertised at a church in our area that I knew that I was qualified for so I applied. The money was not what I was unsed to but when you get Unemployement benefits anything is a step up. I just wanted to work. I applied and was called for an interview. I came home very happy. I knew the interview went well. I ran into all kinds of people that I knew that would be giving me recommendations. Time passed and I didn't hear anything. Until Tuesday of this week. I received a very polite letter saying, "After prayerful consideraton, we have chosen another applicant whose qualifications best suit our needs." The blood ran from my face and I almost hit the ground beside the mailbox. I can't remember a time when I have been so crushed. Patricia will tell you that that became a very difficult day. It seemed that the clouds rolled in and covered the sun. Another rejection. How much of this am I expected to endure?
So, back to the devotion. I felt that as I read this story about Hezzekiah that God wanted me to do the same. I dug through the old mail file (actually it's a box beside the freezer) and found the rejection letter for the song. I then looked through the current mail and found the letter about the job rejection. I told Patricia I was going to bed early and I took the letters with me. I spread the letter out on my bed and prayed. I told God that these letters told me things I had beleived about myself all my life. They said that I didn't measure up and that I didn't fit in. I told Him that I didn't understand why I was more proned to believe letters written by man instead of Words written by God Himself. I told Him that this time of waiting had ceased to be a honor to Him and had begun to look like redicule. Sure everyone tells us that we are being so faithful and how proud they are of us. I don't feel that way any more. I feel like this situation has become a mockery to who God is and what He can do. When I opened that letter from the church and almost fell to my knees in discouragement I could feel Satan himself dancing around in circles, pointing his brimstone stained finger in my face mocking the very God that I knew was able to deliver me. So after I poured my heart out to God and told Him that I refused to believe these letters and that expected Him to deliver us, I went to bed.
I woke the next morning expecting a call from Song Discovery or from the church. Neither of those calls came. I still hold in my hand those letters. I will continue to lay them out before God. That is all I know to do. I have no strength on my own. Everyone knows I am not the brightest crayon in the box. I have no talent and no abilities aside from what God has allowed me to have. Am I ok? Not really. I find that I am contiually on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I have all the faith in God a person is allowed to have. Other times I am in the very bottom of the pit of despair. I don't see the end of this. The economy is still in bad shape and there are so many others in worse shape than me. I will continue to "spread my letters out before God".
Blessings
Allen
