I was reading an article by John Piper yesterday. I am not your typical John Piper devotee even though I have family members that believe his in the direct line of the messiah. I usually stere clear of anything I know is written by the members of the frozen chosen or their followers. I know what I believe, I know why I believe it and I think it's a shame that God's people have to argue and fight about something like the love of God and whether God loves everyone or just the ones He choses. I apparently don't enough free time. It strikes me a humorous when the story of The Samaritan Woman is used as an example of God's predestined chosing of believers yet in the same gospels, there is the story of Nicodemus who came to Jesus of his own accord. Sure the Holy Spirit calls us all and without that wooeing there would be no movement on our part toward God. I get that. I will probably be labeled a blasphemer, but I am convinced that the Bible teaches us that, yes, some are chosen, but some come on their own. I don't mean to take away from the omniscience or omnipotence of God. I just don't understand how some of this world's most Godly men can be on both sides of this issue. Could it be that they are both correct? Anyway, this is not the subject I wanted to talk about today.
I was struck by the article though. It was taken from a series of sermons from 1997 on worship. There are times when I read something that I feel so strongly about and am in such total agreement with that I find it hard not to shout. I was in my office at work so shouting was not an option. I did have to wipe away tears though. If this sermon was not pages and pages long, I would have posted it here but I think I would rather speak what my heart is saying.
He mentioned that the New Testament doesn't refer to worship at all the way that the Old Testament does. The word used for worship in the Old Testament literally meant to "fall down". That will preach. I have listened to literally thousands of hours of opinions and read thousands of pages devoted to the story of the Samaritan woman and when Jesus told her that the true worshippers would "worship in spirit and in truth". I have questioned that one myself. I have had several "aha" moments when I thought I had received some divine revelation that explained what that phrase really meant. I don't know if I am any clearer today than I was before but I scensed in my spirit that this was about to be cleared up in my own mind.
I must offer this....I am a worshipper. I have spent the majority of my life leading worship, learning about worship and truely hungering and thirsting for God. I know what it is like to have an insatiable hunger to be in the presence of God.
I have said before that when God is trying to show me something that He really wants me to grasp then He will point it more than once. So, I read this article by John Piper yesterday, then I happened to go to the same site today and ran across another sermon on worship by John Piper called "Boasting only in the Cross". Then I was watching my video for school today at lunch and it was on the stories of Nicodemus and The Samaritan Woman. Ok, ok. I get it. I think I am supposed to seek God and research what it means to worship "in spirit and truth". I believe I have started a journey today. I am not sure but it seems at every turn I am being faced with this subject. I began reading a book, yes, by John Piper, called "When I Don't Desire God". I don't know why I was prompted to download this book. I really do desire God but I was struck by a phrase I came across yesterday "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him". It is my soul desire to glorify God. I thought I understood this concept but I am convicted that I have not found my satisfaction in Him. I have sought satisfaction in the things that I do. I am told that I have a gift of leading worship; that I have a true annointing that few people have or experience. I am always amazed by that statement. I know I spend a lot of time in prayer and personal worship in preparation for leading worship. I have said many times that I am at my most peaceful and most in tune with God when I am leading worship. I have said that when I am leading worship I feel like I am doing what I was created to do. I am withdrawing those statements. I am created to glorify God. I cannot glorify Him to the fullness extend of my capability as long as I am not satisfied with Him. Not the things He can do, Him and only Him. WOW! Where will this lead me? Hopefully to contentment, happiness, joy, all those things I have struggled with for every moment of my existence. Today, I began a journey; maybe a journey into utter madness, maybe a journey home but it is a journey to find out what it means to be satisfied in God.
Blessings
Allen
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Change
I arrived at work this morning and during my normal routine I flipped my desk calendar to today's date, March 15. The verse on today's calendar is Romans 8:31-32 "If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold His own Son, but gave Him up for all of us, will He not with Him also give us everything else?" It didn't really click until I opened up the "Daily Bread" devotional for today; again Romans 8:31-32. I have learned over my many years that if God has something to say He says it. If He really has something to say, He says it twice. I think God is trying to tell me something.
I was feeling really cast aside this morning. After yesterday's meeting after church, I left thinking "What about me?" Apparently we have reached the point in our church's ministry that merely having a passion for ministry is not enough. A point where a degree is for more important than years of experience. I have felt that this day was coming. I have seen far too many churches cast aside their "seasoned" ministers for more "culturally relavent" ones. Excuse me, but I thought that we were all part of this culture.
Apparently a man who spends countless hours in prayer and meditation and personal worship, just to prepare for about 30 minutes of corporate worship. It seems to me that being Spirit Led is no longer culturally relevant. Our worship has become a travesty. We are more concerned with pleasing the worshipper instead of the object of our worship. I don't really understand where we get the new ideas about worship.
Anyway, our church voted yesterday to extend a call to a new worship/youth/college and career/janitor/church secretary minister. In my experience when a person is called to a church as a worship/anything, one of the ministries will suffer. I was a full-time worship leader for 5 years. It took everything I had to pray, meditate and seek God's face in personal worship. There was no way I would have had time to devote to another ministry, especially youth ministry. I have also served as a Youth Minister. That ministry alone consumed my entire life and the life of my family. How can you possibly devote yourself to a life consuming ministry like youth ministry and a life consuming ministry like worship pastoring? I don't believe it can be done.
I commented to my family yesterday that it is a very hard day when you realize that you have outlived your usefulness; at least to the church you have served faithfully. That is the emotional state that I am in today. I was not aware that I was ready for the Gaither Homecoming crowd. I don't even own a rhinestone jacket and Patricia's hair is no where big enough for that matter.
So that is where this scripture fits. "If God is for us, who is against us?" Apparently God is trying to tell me that He is not through with me. I must have something valuable or I feel that I would have woken up with my arms folded across my chest and quarters on my eye lids. I laid down for a much needed nap yesterday afternoon. That is the time that I find that I can be the most honest with God; tucked away under the covers of my bed. "Is this it? Is this how I will finish out my life? Am I just supposed to sit quietly and live out the rest of my days quietly?" Am I just supposed to continue day to day in an environment that doesn't foster my own creativity or the creativity of others? These are the questions I was asking. I am taking the fact that I woke up and wasn't in heaven that the answer was "No".
So my days at SECC are numbered. I am not bitter. I am ready for the next adventure. I am afraid though that this move will be just me, Patricia and the boy. The girls have already expressed that they don't wish to move to a new church. We, on the other hand, have been ready for months. Hannah is about to start a new phase of her life in college so now is not the time to upset her life any more than it already is. Ashley is well connected at SECC and will probably do well there. She has many friends there and she seems to fall into the age bracket that the church is taking the direction to appeal to. I hope she never outlives her usefulness but for now I am sure that she will be used and provided an anvenue of ministry.
I don't know where this next bend in the road will lead. Maybe this bend will take us home.
Blessings
Allen
I was feeling really cast aside this morning. After yesterday's meeting after church, I left thinking "What about me?" Apparently we have reached the point in our church's ministry that merely having a passion for ministry is not enough. A point where a degree is for more important than years of experience. I have felt that this day was coming. I have seen far too many churches cast aside their "seasoned" ministers for more "culturally relavent" ones. Excuse me, but I thought that we were all part of this culture.
Apparently a man who spends countless hours in prayer and meditation and personal worship, just to prepare for about 30 minutes of corporate worship. It seems to me that being Spirit Led is no longer culturally relevant. Our worship has become a travesty. We are more concerned with pleasing the worshipper instead of the object of our worship. I don't really understand where we get the new ideas about worship.
Anyway, our church voted yesterday to extend a call to a new worship/youth/college and career/janitor/church secretary minister. In my experience when a person is called to a church as a worship/anything, one of the ministries will suffer. I was a full-time worship leader for 5 years. It took everything I had to pray, meditate and seek God's face in personal worship. There was no way I would have had time to devote to another ministry, especially youth ministry. I have also served as a Youth Minister. That ministry alone consumed my entire life and the life of my family. How can you possibly devote yourself to a life consuming ministry like youth ministry and a life consuming ministry like worship pastoring? I don't believe it can be done.
I commented to my family yesterday that it is a very hard day when you realize that you have outlived your usefulness; at least to the church you have served faithfully. That is the emotional state that I am in today. I was not aware that I was ready for the Gaither Homecoming crowd. I don't even own a rhinestone jacket and Patricia's hair is no where big enough for that matter.
So that is where this scripture fits. "If God is for us, who is against us?" Apparently God is trying to tell me that He is not through with me. I must have something valuable or I feel that I would have woken up with my arms folded across my chest and quarters on my eye lids. I laid down for a much needed nap yesterday afternoon. That is the time that I find that I can be the most honest with God; tucked away under the covers of my bed. "Is this it? Is this how I will finish out my life? Am I just supposed to sit quietly and live out the rest of my days quietly?" Am I just supposed to continue day to day in an environment that doesn't foster my own creativity or the creativity of others? These are the questions I was asking. I am taking the fact that I woke up and wasn't in heaven that the answer was "No".
So my days at SECC are numbered. I am not bitter. I am ready for the next adventure. I am afraid though that this move will be just me, Patricia and the boy. The girls have already expressed that they don't wish to move to a new church. We, on the other hand, have been ready for months. Hannah is about to start a new phase of her life in college so now is not the time to upset her life any more than it already is. Ashley is well connected at SECC and will probably do well there. She has many friends there and she seems to fall into the age bracket that the church is taking the direction to appeal to. I hope she never outlives her usefulness but for now I am sure that she will be used and provided an anvenue of ministry.
I don't know where this next bend in the road will lead. Maybe this bend will take us home.
Blessings
Allen
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