Change

I arrived at work this morning and during my normal routine I flipped my desk calendar to today's date, March 15. The verse on today's calendar is Romans 8:31-32 "If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold His own Son, but gave Him up for all of us, will He not with Him also give us everything else?" It didn't really click until I opened up the "Daily Bread" devotional for today; again Romans 8:31-32. I have learned over my many years that if God has something to say He says it. If He really has something to say, He says it twice. I think God is trying to tell me something.
I was feeling really cast aside this morning. After yesterday's meeting after church, I left thinking "What about me?" Apparently we have reached the point in our church's ministry that merely having a passion for ministry is not enough. A point where a degree is for more important than years of experience. I have felt that this day was coming. I have seen far too many churches cast aside their "seasoned" ministers for more "culturally relavent" ones. Excuse me, but I thought that we were all part of this culture.
Apparently a man who spends countless hours in prayer and meditation and personal worship, just to prepare for about 30 minutes of corporate worship. It seems to me that being Spirit Led is no longer culturally relevant. Our worship has become a travesty. We are more concerned with pleasing the worshipper instead of the object of our worship. I don't really understand where we get the new ideas about worship.
Anyway, our church voted yesterday to extend a call to a new worship/youth/college and career/janitor/church secretary minister. In my experience when a person is called to a church as a worship/anything, one of the ministries will suffer. I was a full-time worship leader for 5 years. It took everything I had to pray, meditate and seek God's face in personal worship. There was no way I would have had time to devote to another ministry, especially youth ministry. I have also served as a Youth Minister. That ministry alone consumed my entire life and the life of my family. How can you possibly devote yourself to a life consuming ministry like youth ministry and a life consuming ministry like worship pastoring? I don't believe it can be done.
I commented to my family yesterday that it is a very hard day when you realize that you have outlived your usefulness; at least to the church you have served faithfully. That is the emotional state that I am in today. I was not aware that I was ready for the Gaither Homecoming crowd. I don't even own a rhinestone jacket and Patricia's hair is no where big enough for that matter.
So that is where this scripture fits. "If God is for us, who is against us?" Apparently God is trying to tell me that He is not through with me. I must have something valuable or I feel that I would have woken up with my arms folded across my chest and quarters on my eye lids. I laid down for a much needed nap yesterday afternoon. That is the time that I find that I can be the most honest with God; tucked away under the covers of my bed. "Is this it? Is this how I will finish out my life? Am I just supposed to sit quietly and live out the rest of my days quietly?" Am I just supposed to continue day to day in an environment that doesn't foster my own creativity or the creativity of others? These are the questions I was asking. I am taking the fact that I woke up and wasn't in heaven that the answer was "No".
So my days at SECC are numbered. I am not bitter. I am ready for the next adventure. I am afraid though that this move will be just me, Patricia and the boy. The girls have already expressed that they don't wish to move to a new church. We, on the other hand, have been ready for months. Hannah is about to start a new phase of her life in college so now is not the time to upset her life any more than it already is. Ashley is well connected at SECC and will probably do well there. She has many friends there and she seems to fall into the age bracket that the church is taking the direction to appeal to. I hope she never outlives her usefulness but for now I am sure that she will be used and provided an anvenue of ministry.
I don't know where this next bend in the road will lead. Maybe this bend will take us home.
Blessings
Allen