Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Rumors of God

I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!I'm sorry—forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor. Job 42:5-6

I read this verse this morning in a book I am reading called "Secondhand Jesus". I have to admit; I am just at chapter 2 and normally a book has "grabbed" be by now. This one hasn't yet. I will keep reading though. I was struck by these verses. We are sometimes too content to live on the rumors of God. We listen to messages and hear testimonies of how God performed miracles in the lives of His people. The altars are full and for a few moments or days it looks like God has brought revival. We can't live our lives on the experiences of others. I guess that is where I find myself today. I feel like we're living in some remote corner of the universe alone. I feel like the experiences I have had with God are just distant memories or maybe even fantasies. I find myself in a place of discontentment. I am not content to live my life only knowing God through the stories and the experiences of others. (rumors) I know God to be real and active. I have experinced the presence of God and felt the heaviness of His holiness. I have been forced face down on the floor in repentance, confession and worship. So why am I so discontent now? I can't put my finger on it, I just know that there is more and I want it.
Amidst the rubble of what is our lives these days, God has brought confirmation in some areas. One of those confirmations came in the middle of Walmart last night and the other came in a meeting tonight. I cannot discuss the details of either of these things here but at least two areas are cleared up.
I find myself sitting in front of the computer when everyone else is in bed asleep. I cannot sleep because the events of the day keep running through my mind. I was reading a devotion today about the great revival of 1857 started with one man praying, "What will you have me do?". I am struck by those words and have prayed them several times today. I am prepared to do whatever it is. I am not content to live my life on rumors of who God is or what He is able to do. I am not willing to just listen to stories of how God has delivered. I will not be satisfied with just knowing God from a distance. I want to see Him face to face.
I remember a few years ago that this discontentment started when I picked up a book in the bookstore. I am very funny when it comes to the books I read. I am very picky. I am not a deep theological thinker so the things that appeal to others do not appeal to me. This particular day I was walking down the aisle in the Christian bookstore and a book caught my eye. It literally fell off the shelf into my hands. I read the back cover of the book and almost broke into tears. It seemed that whoever this author was had captured the desires of my heart between the pages of this book. I got home that day and started reading. I must remind you that I was raised Independent Baptist and had been Southern Baptist for years so the whole consept of the Holy Spirit was not something that we talked about that often. I remember in the beginning of the book the writer told a story of how God had manifested Himself. It seems that the presence of God was so powerful that a pulpit was split in half and people were forced to their faces. My first inclination was to close the book. "This can't be real" I told myself. I remember the dissapointment I felt that what I hoped would unleash the passion in my heart had been nothing more than another fairy tale. But then I heard the voice of God. I simple heard Him say, "Read this book, this is real". I read and read and read. This book changed my life. It made me a God Chaser. It brought me to a place of total discontentment and total contentment all at once.
I know that this all seems scattered and that I can't seem to complete a thought, but that is how I find myself. I am in a state of discontented contentment; unsatified satifaction. I keep reading this verse over and over again. I am not content to live on the rumors of God. I am not satisfied with crumbs. I will only be satisfied with the real thing.
Rumors of You

I am not content to live my life with stories of You
I do not intend to just believe what others say You’ll do
I want a passion ever burning
And a hunger ever yearning
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You

I want to know You
And I want to see You for myself
I want to touch You
I want to feel You for myself
I want Your breath to light the fire
Fan the flame of my desire
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You

I am not content to live my life just seeking Your hand
To live my life receiving only blessings is not in my plan
I want a passion ever burning
And a hunger ever yearning
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You

Blessings
Allen

Friday, September 11, 2009

Questions

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.
Today is September 11th. Eight years ago I remember standing in the fitness room of the YMCA watching the TV as the horrible events of that Tuesday morning unfolded. Ever since I was born I have had an invisible MP3 player playing in my head. I cannot remember a time in my life when there wasn't a song going in my head. I wake several times a night and, without fail, a song is playing. Usually it's an really upbeat song. I can't get it to stop and I can't fall back asleep until I manually change the song on the IPOD of my mind to something more soothing.
As I watched the TV that morning I remember that suddenly the music had stopped. It was a feeling I cannot explain. It was sort of like the dream where you are in your underwear in public. I felt suddenly naked. I had absolutely no song in my head. Even when I tried to manually start a song, no song came to mind. I remember going to the church that afternoon. I was supposed to lead worship the next Sunday so I went to the church to seek the face of God and direction for the service. This day was different. I sat at the piano and nothing happened. Usually sitting at the piano would start an intensely intimate time of personal worship. Usually I would start by playing the song that was in my head at the moment. But nothing happened. I had no song. I fell on my face before God and wept. I asked God, is this what this is about? Is this the beginning where you finally write "Ichabod" across this nation and the world. There was silence. No voice from God and no song. All I could do was weep and cry out to God. "How can I lead these people in worship on Sunday? What could I possibly bring to a congregation experiencing insurmountable hurt and fear?"
I sat at the piano again and placed my hands on the keys and began to tap out the tune, "This is no time for fear, this is time for faith and determination.....God is in control". I have to admit that I had never been a fan of that song. I was never even a Twila Paris fan. We didn't flow in the same circles and I thought the song was mismatched and choppy. I couldn't relate to the words or the music. Until that Tuesday afternoon.
Sunday morning came and instead of the usual upbeat song to open the service, I began by telling this story to the congregation. I began to softly play and sing the words, "This is no time for fear, this is a time for faith and determination...". I looked out, which I very seldom do, and there were tears, there were hugs. People slowly began to come to the altar and pray. God had brought us comfort in a time when the world and our nation was in total Chaos. He had shown us the "But with God" from this verse.
This writing today is for my family. Tomorrow marks seven months that we have been part of the statistic of unemployment. It's scary times for us and our nation. This week has been especially trying. We have faced drama at church, uncertainty in our finances and it seems that everywhere we turn there is another obstacle that has to be hurdled. The questions have come from you guys, "Why is everything so hard?". "Is there any area of our life that isn't a struggle?". I sat you each down on February 13th and told you that this would be a time when God would show Himself mighty, all we have to do is be faithful and trust Him. Trusting has been hard this week. There has been lots of talk about getting a bus and following our dream of traveling the country and leading worship. That is, after all, what we each feel called and created to do. I don't know if I'll wake one morning and a bus with "The Cooke's" will be parked in front of the house. I woke up this morning half way expecting a bus to parked outside and Ty Pennington steps out with a megaphone and says, "Good morning Cooke family. This is the day your dreams come true. God has heard your cries. Climb on and let's go!!! Bus driver, move that bus!!!" Of course that didn't happen. But with God everything is impossible.
Someone said something yesterday that struck me. They said, "God is doing something phenomenal, I can't wait to see what it is". Things look dark. I, myself, have questioned if I should just walk away. Surely your lives could not possibly be any worse. I was reading my devotion today and realized that I had not stopped yesterday to read a devotion. This was the verse from yesterday. The phrase, "But with God...". But with God, there is no such thing as impossible. But with God, there is no such thing as hopeless. But with God, there is no such thing as a has-been. But with God, there is no age requirement or limit. BUT WITH GOD......

Blessings
Allen

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Abandoned

Psalm 139:6-8 (New Living Translation)
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.


Eight days from now will be the six month anniversary of when Patricia and I were laid off from our jobs. It's been a harrowing experience that I fear is no where close to be over. All the signs point to the fact that things in our economy may get worse before they get better. Summer is almost officially over and all those summer jobs are ending so the employment rate is going up again. I don't know how we've made it this far. Well, really I do know; God never forsakes us. He makes sure we have what we need. I just wish His standard of "need" was the same as mine sometimes. I am fighting very hard today to be in good spirits and follow hard after God. It is difficult some days, especially when you took your daughter to work and returned home with the gas needle on zero. I don't know exactly how many miles you can go on zero. I was afraid that today I was about to find out. I wish I had some miraculous story to tell about how I heard a voice telling me to pull into a station and when I pulled up there was a man ready to swipe his credit card and fill my car up with gas. I would have felt like Elijah for sure and would have probably stopped right there and stripped off to my boxers and danced in the street. I don't have story like that. I pulled into the driveway, very thankful that God had gotten me home. I have probably about a thimble full of gas in my gas can for the mower. I was going to use it to cut the front lawn today.
Last week was a very trying week for us. Emotionally we were all spent. It seemed that every time I tried to spend time in prayer that I spent the majority of the time weeping. We felt abandoned by God and by the family of God. We were at a point of being weary of people asking us if we are OK. Our response has always been, "Yes, we're OK". We are not ok but we have found that if we are honest, people don't know what to do. They come to us with genuine concern and they really want to know about our circumstances. They just don't know what to do.
I was at the point of desperation last week and all I could do was cry out to God. I can handle anything that is thrown my way as long as I am not abandoned by God. As long as I can still hear His voice, I can keep walking, keep trusting and keep following hard after Him. There are times when we feel like that we are stuck on some remote corner of the universe, far away from everyone. No one hears our cries and no one feels our hurts. But as long as we know that God is there, that He's working on our behalf, that He is holding everything in His hands, we are OK. I will probably get up from this writing and have a freak out session in a matter of moments. I will cry and throw a tantrum like all kids do and then a little while later I will feel like a fool because I hear Him. I hear Him say, "Where can you go that I am not already there? Even if you walk through hell, I will be there". These words I know in my heart are true. Putting them into action in my life is another matter. I want to be the kind of man that follows hard after God. I don't want to be irresponsible and not take care of my family but I want my passion for God to far outweigh everything else. When my children sit around my table I want them to tell stories of how God was present in out lives. It seems that the stories they tell now are never about shopping trips and when we lived in abundance, it's always about times when walking and following and trusting were the hardest.
We can handle anything as long as we know that we are not abandoned.
My job is to follow hard after Him. His job is to be God. He does His job whether or not I do mine.
What will I do about the gas situation? I don't have a clue. I fully expect a miracle because without one I probably won't get out of the driveway. All I know is that God promised that He will be with me even when I have to walk to Rincon and carry Ashley back home on my back. I just have to be the kind of man that is OK, regardless. I just need to be thankful that I have legs to walk on, breath to heave in and out of my body and a charged up MP3 player to listen to and take my mind off the pain.
I hope that if you read this Blog that you understand this is not a chance for me to whine, or that I have an ulterior motive. This Blog is about me and my feelings, passions and struggles. I don't use this space to try to get a point across. I have no idea who reads and who does not unless they post a response or tell me they read it. This is a record of my journey. A journey that takes lots of twists and turns and highs and lows. This is my way to be transparent with myself and be honest about what I feel. I hope it encourages you but mostly it encourages me because I use the previous posts as monuments to the awesomeness of God. I look back and think how foolish I was to doubt who God is and what He can do.

Blessings
Allen

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Rejection

Isaiah 37:14-20 (New Living Translation)
14 After Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it, he went up to the Lord’s Temple and spread it out before the Lord. 15 And Hezekiah prayed this prayer before the Lord: 16 “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, God of Israel, you are enthroned between the mighty cherubim! You alone are God of all the kingdoms of the earth. You alone created the heavens and the earth. 17 Bend down, O Lord, and listen! Open your eyes, O Lord, and see! Listen to Sennacherib’s words of defiance against the living God.
18 “It is true, Lord, that the kings of Assyria have destroyed all these nations. 19 And they have thrown the gods of these nations into the fire and burned them. But of course the Assyrians could destroy them! They were not gods at all—only idols of wood and stone shaped by human hands. 20 Now, O Lord our God, rescue us from his power; then all the kingdoms of the earth will know that you alone, O Lord, are God.”
It's been a while since I have entered anything into this Blog. I haven't had much to say it seems. That is not to say that my life has not had just as many twists and turns as usual but I just didn't think I had anything encouraging to say. People always say, "My mama told me that if Ididn't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all". My mama never told me that. (That is an entirely different subject)
Anyway, I was reading my daily devotion (one of several) and just happened to be in the book of Isaiah. I love the book of Isaiah. It seems that we see God the way He intended; working, active and present. We see lots of failures on the part of the Jews and we see lots of triumphs when God honors them and protects them even though they failed. All they had to do was cry out.
I read over these verses and at first I didn't really "get" it. So I read back a few verses. I had read this story before but I felt that God wanted me to read again....for me.
It seems that Hezzakiah received a scathing letter from the king of Assyria. Basically it said that His God would not protect him and that he was coming to get him and was going to destroy everything and take the city by force. He made a mockery of the very God of Israel. That is the wrong thing to do. Hezzakiah took the letter, spread it out before the Lord and prayed. He told God that this was not just a slap in the face of Israel but it was a slap in the face to the God of creation. The real God. Hezzekiah was not ok with that.
You may say, "what does that have to do with you?" Well, here goes. On Febraury 12th of this year I received my first rejection letter. I got laid off from a job that I had poured my heart and soul into. Sure, things had been rocky for the past year of so but I thought that things would eventually smooth out and I would be able to work at what I loved to do. I've been rejected many times before and always seemed to bounce back. This time it took the wind out of my sails. There have been times when I questioned God but I know it's for His glory.
I was encouraged by my wife and others close by me to spend this time working on one of the passions of my life; song writing. I have several songs I have written but had never submitted any of them because part of me just didn't think they measured up. Sure, they fit the occasion or the times when they were written, but I wasn't sure that they would appeal to anyone else. I have never been into self-promotion so it was hard for me to submit a song. It seemed that everything fell into place and I felt led to submit a song called "Speak the Name". I spent the extra money to send it certified so that I would be sure they got it. Months went by and I received a letter. It always seems that discouraging news comes at just the right time. The letter very politely said that the song wasn't good enough. I was crushed for a brief time but I recovered. I jsut decided that the songs I write are so personal to me that maybe thats what I need to concentrate on; writing songs that minister to me in my personal worship times.
The job search has been constant for me. Even though God has blessed us beyond measure and the bills are paid and we have not missed any meals, I still want to go to work. A position was advertised at a church in our area that I knew that I was qualified for so I applied. The money was not what I was unsed to but when you get Unemployement benefits anything is a step up. I just wanted to work. I applied and was called for an interview. I came home very happy. I knew the interview went well. I ran into all kinds of people that I knew that would be giving me recommendations. Time passed and I didn't hear anything. Until Tuesday of this week. I received a very polite letter saying, "After prayerful consideraton, we have chosen another applicant whose qualifications best suit our needs." The blood ran from my face and I almost hit the ground beside the mailbox. I can't remember a time when I have been so crushed. Patricia will tell you that that became a very difficult day. It seemed that the clouds rolled in and covered the sun. Another rejection. How much of this am I expected to endure?
So, back to the devotion. I felt that as I read this story about Hezzekiah that God wanted me to do the same. I dug through the old mail file (actually it's a box beside the freezer) and found the rejection letter for the song. I then looked through the current mail and found the letter about the job rejection. I told Patricia I was going to bed early and I took the letters with me. I spread the letter out on my bed and prayed. I told God that these letters told me things I had beleived about myself all my life. They said that I didn't measure up and that I didn't fit in. I told Him that I didn't understand why I was more proned to believe letters written by man instead of Words written by God Himself. I told Him that this time of waiting had ceased to be a honor to Him and had begun to look like redicule. Sure everyone tells us that we are being so faithful and how proud they are of us. I don't feel that way any more. I feel like this situation has become a mockery to who God is and what He can do. When I opened that letter from the church and almost fell to my knees in discouragement I could feel Satan himself dancing around in circles, pointing his brimstone stained finger in my face mocking the very God that I knew was able to deliver me. So after I poured my heart out to God and told Him that I refused to believe these letters and that expected Him to deliver us, I went to bed.
I woke the next morning expecting a call from Song Discovery or from the church. Neither of those calls came. I still hold in my hand those letters. I will continue to lay them out before God. That is all I know to do. I have no strength on my own. Everyone knows I am not the brightest crayon in the box. I have no talent and no abilities aside from what God has allowed me to have. Am I ok? Not really. I find that I am contiually on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I have all the faith in God a person is allowed to have. Other times I am in the very bottom of the pit of despair. I don't see the end of this. The economy is still in bad shape and there are so many others in worse shape than me. I will continue to "spread my letters out before God".
Blessings
Allen

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Just Waiting

I'm sitting in my living room waiting to leave for a much anticipated job interview. As you know I have been going through and study from Malachi and it has had a lasting effect on me. I can sympathize so much with the children of Israel. How horrible it must have been to not hear the voice of God for 400 years. Regardless of the chastisment they received before God went totally silent, they were still a people that was used to hearing the Word of God. Whether it was through His own voice or the voice of the prophets. Of course they didn't listen to His voice and that's where the whole problem started.
I was sitting here today, all dressed up in my big boy pants and shoes. I've got my tie tied in a perfect Windsor knot and I guess I cleaned up pretty good for an old fat boy. You know I cant' say that God has been silent during the past few months. Sure, it looks as though He's forsaken us and all but we know better. We have watched God provide for us for the past 3 months. He may be providing for us a lot longer. This interview may be a total bust. I pray that His provision today will come in the form of a job but, if it doesn't, I've promised Him that I would be ok. Sure, I may cry, throw my head back and pitch a fit, but I will be ok. I know the God of Jacob. I know the God that watches the sparrow. I KNOW HIM!!! I trust the way that He choses to take care of me. I have walked many miles with Him. Some of those miles He has had to scoop me up and carry me. But I know Him. I can see His hand so vividly. How can I not trust Him when He has taken such good care of us.
In the beginning of all this mess my family and I prayed that we would bring Him honor. That He would not allow us to bring Him shame by allowing us to freak out in public. We laugh about that now.
Well, it is 3:07 and I have to leave. I am praying for favor. I already have the favor of God. I am praying that He will allow me to have favor with men.

Blessings
Allen

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

More Than Enough

Numbers 18:20 And the Lord said to Aaron, “You priests will receive no allotment of land or share of property among the people of Israel. I am your share and your allotment.
I was reading my study in Malachi yesterday and in the passages was the above verses from Numbers. The study was actually talking about the seriousness and the specialness of God's calling for the Priests but when I got the verse 20 my heart sank a little. God had passed out blessings like crazy to the other tribes of Israel. Every piece of the new Promised Land had been divided out. When it came to Aaron's decedents, the tribe of Levi, they were told that they would get no allotment of land of share of property. I wonder if they felt let down. Here is the God of the universe passing out jobs, property and other blessings and the very ones who were responsible for standing in the gap between the people and God got nothing. Squat!!!
I guess that the way it appears if you look at it from human eyes. As I sat and read over this again I tried to picture myself standing in that great multitude and hearing those words. I tried to feel the reaction of my heart as I heard the words, "You priest will receive not allotment of land of property". Knowing me and knowing the way I rush to a conclusion. I assume what someone is saying sometimes before they are done saying it. Knowing the way I assume that God has abandoned me when I don't hear His voice every second of the day. Knowing the way that I assume that my friends don't care about me because they don't call or come by when actually they have JOBS AND FAMILIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES!!! Knowing all these things about myself I understand why I would miss the last part of what God actually said. Funny how we get bent so out of shape because we don't stop and listen to the end of a statement.
I have walked many years with God. I have witnessed the miraculous. I have seen Him provide when there was no provision. I have witnessed the changes in a sinner who was so bent against God until they truly experienced Him. I have been there when the presence of God filled the temple. I have seen His cloud by day and His pillar of fire by night. So it brings me great conviction when I miss such an important statement. "I am your share and allotment". That is God saying, "I am enough. I am giving you direct access to Me".
I left the house this morning with my girls in the car. One of them is broken hearted right now and I tried to tell her that God was enough and that He listens to us when we pray. I glanced around into the cars on the highway and people were busy talking on phones, putting on makeup while driving and going to work. I had a fleeting thought of jealousy. I long so much to back in the game. It's sort of depressing when you think about that all you have to look forward to is coming home and having all the time in the world to study the word of God. Today was one of those days. We have every reason to be grateful. We just got an email from someone who is providing a reading program for Micah that will hopefully help him overcome his reading disability. That was a direct answer to prayer. A few weeks ago we watched as God provided a Prom dress for Hannah. In the same week we received a box full of meat from a friend and the week before that other friends had provided us groceries and pantry supplies. God is good!!!
So why is it that I feel like I'm being cheated? I guess society has taught me that you are only as valuable as what you do. We have been taught that people in the service of God have less value. We tend to think that they don't really work that hard.
I have a friend who keeps telling me to enjoy my time off. Each time he tells me that I want to slug him in the face. How can I enjoy myself when I feel so worthless?
I did my job search this morning and was really scared at the low number of jobs we are finding available these days. A few weeks ago there were lots of jobs to apply for but literally thousands of people applying for them. We have had zero calls. The past two weeks have been different. Now there are fewer jobs being posted. The unemployment numbers are growing every day. I don't know what it will take to make things better. I'm trying very hard to learn the lessons that God has for me in all of this. Today that lesson is "I am enough". He is.
Father, I woke up this morning feeling like I had been cheated. You are more than enough for me.
More Than Enough
Jehovah Jireh My Provider
You are more than enough for me
Jehovah Raepha You're my healer
By your stripes I've been set free
Jehovah Shammah You are with me
You Supply All My Needs
You are more than enough
More than enough
You are more than enough for me


Blessings
Allen

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Making The Cut

Matthew 4:18-22 (New Living Translation)
The First Disciples 18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers—Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew—throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 19 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 20 And they left their nets at once and followed him.
21 A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, repairing their nets. And he called them to come, too. 22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind.

I'm having one of those days. You know what I mean. The days when you feel like you didn't make the cut. Even before I read today's devotion I was feeling alienated. I never realized that I could see myself in the lives of the disciples. During Jesus' time boys only had two options. Attend school at the temple or work for a living. All Jewish boys went to school in the temple but only a few "shining stars" were chosen to follow in the steps of the Rabbi. These select few, learned everything there was to know about being a Rabbi. They ate the food the Rabbi ate, they went where the Rabbi went, they read what the Rabbi read. Their job was to learn to imitate the Rabbi. They did this by being in attendance to every waking moment of the Rabbi's life.
The rest of the boys that didn't make the cut went to work. That's where Jesus found Simon, Andrew, James and John. They had not made the cut. That's where I feel like I am. I just wonder how long it will be until Jesus comes to my boat and calls my name. My eyes fill with tears as I write that. I just want to scream "When is it my turn?". I've worked my butt off, I've practiced, written, listened, studied and now I find myself sitting on the boat waiting.
I'm trying to be patient. I trying to learn in the waiting. Following God is hard.

Blessings
Allen

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Expecting God

Why is it we live our lives like we don't expect God to be there? Why is it when we go to church and God shows up we are so surprised? Why is when God is silent and we go through an entire worship service or an entire week without "feeling" anything that we are so depressed and downcast that we can't even go outside?
I'm in this study on Malachi everyday and I am more convicted each time. It's like a wreck on the freeway; even though I know it's an accident and I may be totally grossed out or allow my vision to fall on something that may haunt me for years, I can't look away. As painful as this study is I can't stop doing it. I find myself in every page of Malachi.
My heart goes out to the children of Israel. The last words of God to them was chastisement and rebuke. Then silence. 400 years of silence. How horrifying. Plenty of time for the words to ring in their ears and in the ears of their children. Still they didn't get it. They still didn't understand why God was so cross.
I remember the day Patricia and I we laid off. It's seemed we went from a life of busyness to nothing. Plenty of time for the words we were told to ring in our ears. I'm very thankful that God was not silent during that time. Can you imagine how hard it must have been for the Israelites to tell the stories of how God had delivered them from the hand of Pharoah, how he lead them in the wilderness, how he showed up time and time again. Can you imagine the lump in the throats of the adults as they told those stories to wide eyed children? A hand goes up in the back of the room. The Rabbi calls the name of the little boy holding up his hand. "Where is God now and why does he not deliver us now?" The little boy's parents are probably mortified and reach to take him outside to save him the them the embarrassment. "We do not know where God is and why he no longer delivers us" comes the reply.
The just didn't get it. Neither do we.
I would dare say that 90 percent of the people who enter our church each Sunday come with the desire to meet God but they don't really expect to meet him there. When they do they are completely surprised. When they don't they put on their "church" face, pat the pastor on the back and leave feeling unfulfilled.
I can't really say I blame them. I remember back when I led worship that there were those times when I just knew that the songs I used were directly from God's inspiration. Those were the times when God showed up. I expected him because I had spent the whole week preparing for him. His presence didn't take me by surprise because I had taken his leading and worshipped him the way he desired. Other times I felt that he left me the reigns and I did what I do best. I entertained the masses. Those were days when it seemed that everyone was happy but me. I know when God shows up. I recognize his walk.
What will it take to get this message to the church as a whole? When will we learn that we are to live our lives, design our worship services and plan our sermons like we expect God to be there? I guess one person at a time.
I looked over the music for this Sunday and immediately sighed. There seemed to be no inspiration or expectation. I completely loath one of the songs and if I could travel back in time to when the song was written I would reach over and snatch the pen out of the composers hand and pop him the nose like I do the weiner dogs and say "NO, NO!!. I guess if my attitude is one that expects God to show up then he will show up. It's not about the music or the song selection. It's not about the sermon or the lack thereof. It's about our hearts living in expectation. Expect him because you have spent the week with him and you know his desire is to be there. Expect him beause regardless of the heart next to you, your heart is ready. Your hearts yearns for him. Your heart expects to find him there.
I will be going to Praise Team practice in a matter of hours. I am going with expection. I am expecting God to show up.

Blessings
Allen

Monday, May 11, 2009

Unworthy Sacrifices

Malachi 1:6-14 (New Living Translation)
Unworthy Sacrifices

6 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies says to the priests: “A son honors his father, and a servant respects his master. If I am your father and master, where are the honor and respect I deserve? You have shown contempt for my name!
“But you ask, ‘How have we ever shown contempt for your name?’
7 “You have shown contempt by offering defiled sacrifices on my altar.
“Then you ask, ‘How have we defiled the sacrifices?
“You defile them by saying the altar of the Lord deserves no respect. 8 When you give blind animals as sacrifices, isn’t that wrong? And isn’t it wrong to offer animals that are crippled and diseased? Try giving gifts like that to your governor, and see how pleased he is!” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
9 “Go ahead, beg God to be merciful to you! But when you bring that kind of offering, why should he show you any favor at all?” asks the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
10 “How I wish one of you would shut the Temple doors so that these worthless sacrifices could not be offered! I am not pleased with you,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “and I will not accept your offerings. 11 But my name is honored by people of other nations from morning till night. All around the world they offer sweet incense and pure offerings in honor of my name. For my name is great among the nations,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
12 “But you dishonor my name with your actions. By bringing contemptible food, you are saying it’s all right to defile the Lord’s table. 13 You say, ‘It’s too hard to serve the Lord,’ and you turn up your noses at my commands,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “Think of it! Animals that are stolen and crippled and sick are being presented as offerings! Should I accept from you such offerings as these?” asks the Lord.
14 “Cursed is the cheat who promises to give a fine ram from his flock but then sacrifices a defective one to the Lord. For I am a great king,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “and my name is feared among the nations!


So....I'm studying this morning and God decided to hit me right between the eyes with this. It is my natural inclination to apply the verses I read to others that I know. They very rarely seem to apply to me and my life, right? That comes from years of being raised in a legalistic church where the Word of God was used as a weapon to those outside our church. Anyway, I am going through this study to prepare for a Sunday School class that I will begin to teach in a few weeks. I actually had not intended to teach this study but picked it up for my own personal study time. It's based on the book of Malachi. I am on about page 26 and so far I have been broken down, built back up, broken down again. I heard it said once that revival is not the roof blowing off but the floor caving in. I guess I've had some caving in this morning.
It's funny how the words you say to encourage others always bring you to a time of "put up or shut up". How many times have I prayed with those who were going through difficult times. Maybe a marriage that ended, financial difficulties, the loss of a loved one. I've always been able to give the right words. I've always been able to "connect" with God in those times. I am a completely different story. I've lived most of my life with the assumption that God's Word was for everyone else and that I was an exception to the rule. I don't say that because I feel that I am spiritually superior or anything. I say that because I have always felt like the least favored. I tell people that and their mouths drop open. I put off this aire of confidence that some people take as conceit. Deep down I am not that way at all. (Another story for another time)
The book of Malachi has pretty harsh words for us. What? I thought the book was written to Israel? Not so Grasshopper.
Malachi bring condeming words to God's people. It seems that not only were they guilty of bringing "damaged" animals for sacrifice but some of the people would steal sheep for their sacrifices. Sound familiar? We come to church out of obligation...because it's the right thing to do. We rush in and rush out and for another week we have fulfilled our commitment to God. Sure we might get the "warm fuzzies" while we're there but as soon as we're in the car it's business as usual.
Revival is the floor caving in. I have had a floor caving in kind of day. I am sitting in my dining room with my Bible spread out before me looking outside at an absolutely beautiful day. The weiner dogs are barking at some mysterious thing that only they can see. I have food in the freezer and for the time being, the bills are paid. Other than the fact I can't seem to get a video to download from Youtube I can't complain. I have the house to myself and plenty of time for God to apparently whip my behind. At a time in my life when I should be especially sensitive to God I have allowed my heart to become callosed. I have been guilty of coming before God. Bringing Him me in all my glory and lack thereof. What a sacrifice. I am probaly very near legally blind. Every bone in my body hurts. We won't even talk about how overweight I am. I have spent countless hours worrying, being angry and reflecting on my past failures and shortcomings and not enough time trying to figure out where I will most glorify God. God has apprently read the instructions that say "Shake Well before Using".
After Malachi gave God's message to Israel God was silent for over 40o years. How excrusiating that must have been.
I have been praying for revival. I have been praying that the floor would cave in and that people would come to the realization that God requires blemish free sacrifices. This, I dare to say, does apply to me. I can't get around that. This is the message we need. God REQUIRES holiness. Our religion makes Him want to vomit!! I can't even watch what passes for Christian TV. It sickens me. It's all can do to sit through most church services. The message of Malachi is for us today. Stop bringing unacceptable sacrifices to God. Stop coming to church out of obligation. Serve Him out of love and appreciation. Honor Him becuase He's GOD!!!

Blessings
Allen

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Shake Well Before Using

I wish I had some great verse of scripture that would relay my feelings today, but I don't. I am looking over this study for a new Sunday School class that I will teaching in a few weeks. It's based in Malachi. As soon as I read the back cover I knew that this was a study that I needed to do even if i didn't teach it to a class.
The last words in the Old Testament are a rebuke from the prophet Malachi. It seems that God had called him to be the mouthpeice to that generation and their version of the church. Religion had become such an abomination that God sent scathing words through Malachi. After Malachi God remained silent for over 400 years. Nothing, not one word until John the Baptist came on the scene.
All during the first few pages of this study I kept thinking about the words on a lot of the products I use, "Shake Well before Using". It seems that is where I find myself....being shaken. It's not the first time that God has decided to shake things up before He uses me.
My less than perfect childhood. My big tift with my family after my dad died. Our expulsion from the church where I served on staff. The loss of our jobs. That's just a few of the times that God has shaken things up to get us ready for some greater purpose.
I went to church today determined that I would step away from the ministry I am currently involved in. I'm just not getting what I need to be getting. I don't agree with the way the team is run and the decisions that are made. Instead a dear friend of mine had decided that this would be the day that he would walk away. I spoke with this dear friend weeks ago when God gave a rare opportunity to spend some time alone. He shared with me how his wife had left our church and that God was really dealing with him about being with her. I love this guy beyond belief and admire him so much that it was very hard me to agree to pray that God would lead him to the place he needed to be. I knew all along that God wanted them to be in church together even if it meant that we would lose that most awesome drummer I have ever had the pleasure to work with. I agreed to pray so I did. Well today, as much as it hurts to admit, God was pleased to answer our prayers.
I don't know what will happen. I know today was hard. I never had a chance to talk to him before he left. I was stuck in a conversation with someone and couldn't pull away. I saw him pack his sticks and walk out wthout me saying once more, "You are my hero".
Shake Well before Using. Why is it that we must be shaken so violently before God can use us? Why is it that revival can't come until the floor caves in and we have no option but to call on the mercies of God?
I am sad. Sad mostly because I'm not handling it better. I know I am being shaken. I hope that the shaking stops soon and that God will choose to use me for whatever purpose He has designed.

Blessings
Allen

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tuesday Morning

I usually start my post off with a Bible verse. It seems I get so much inspiration from God's Word. I get inspiration from life.
Well, it's Tuesday Morning and after the day this family had yesterday I can't bear for today to be a normal day. My normal morning routine is this, the clock goes off about 6:30 then again at 6:45. I go and make sure Hannah is awake then I put the coffee on and wait for her to get out of the shower (usually 30 minutes, gees!!) then I go to Ashley's door and make sure she's awake. The coffee is usually done so while I enjoy my first cup I begin cooking breakfast while watching Good Morning America. These are the moments I treasure.
Today Hannah did not get up on time and has decided that I will take her to school later since she is exhausted from the Disney trip over the weekend. Ashley is also sleeping in and wants to be woken later since she is still exhausted from the Crown Jewel Conference this past weekend.
I am sitting here with my first cup of coffee watching Good Morning America. Breakfast is done and sitting on the counter for the girls. Will they remember these times when they are old? Will they remember the little things I did for them without them even asking? My hevenly Father is giving me lots of pokes and prods this morning. I didn't sleep well because I felt like my heart would explode. How can I possibly show enough gratitude for the little things that He does for me? How can I ever be grateful enough for the big things that I do ask for? I read the scripture about how God cares for the sparrows and wonder if that applies to everyone of just a select few. My total freak out over the weekend seems so far away today.
People who know me well know that I am an eternal pesimist. I always seem to see the glass half empty. (It really is half empty, fool) That comes from my childhood and from parents who taught me not to get too excited about anything because it probably won't happen or every silver lining has a black cloud in front of it.
I am sitting here in my living room and am overwhelmed with thanks and praise. There are other issues that I am unsure of; I don't know for sure how we will handle the car payment and buy groceries. I am sure of this though; God cares about me. He really does. I am overwhelmed today and it's only Tuesday. I am not overwhelmed not because of bills and unemployment that looms in the distance. I am overwhelmed that a God so big and so awesome can also be intimate and awesome. I woke up on Monday thinking, "gees, another week of "retirement". I don't think that way today. I feel a scense of hope that I haven't had in a while.

Well, I have to go. The girls are stirring and are ready for breakfast.

Blessings
Allen

Monday, April 27, 2009

DUH!

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)

Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Why do I ever doubt God? I spent this whole past weekend moping around and all anxious and stuff because Hannah's Prom is next weekend and we didn't have the money to order her dress. She had written an essay to try and win a dress from this place call Windsor Store but the results of the contest were supposed to be posted on Friday. All day Friday Hannah kept calling me and texting me to see if there was any news. NOTHING!!!! All day Saturday I checked. Still nothing. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this was not going to happen. I had a serious conversation with God on Saturday. I told Him, "I haven't ask for anything. When I lost my job I didn't ask you to save my house. I didn't ask you to save my car. I haven't ask for anything but that You would bring Yourself glory. I am asking you now for Hannah's Prom dress. This is not just a want. This is Hannah and this is a need. Hannah needs to know what You can do. We all feel forsaken and forgotten at times but Hannah more than any of us. Micah is Micah. Ashley can take care of herself but Hannah doesn't settle. She knows what she wants and only wants that. God, I am asking for Hannah a Prom dress." I left my knees and continued on with my worrying.
I was at Co-op this morning telling someone this same story. I came home after that and still I worried. It seems that all this faith talking is only good when I'm in front of people which is pretty much what I asked God for when we were laid off in the first place. I asked Him to not let us fall apart in front of people. That we would be an example of faith and God's provision. We have spent many anxious hours worrying and fall completely apart at home but for the most part, we have been able to keep a brave face. My responce to anyone who ask us how we are doing is, "We're doing ok". Inside I'm screaming, "I'm not ok. I need a flippin' job!!!" I don't know if actually saying those words aloud would bring God honor of not.
Anyway, to the point of this extremely long story....We came home this afternoon; I got on the computer, checked my email and still no word from Windsor Store. I had decided that I would go ahead and order the dress even though we really couldn't afford to do so. We needed to pay bills and buy groceries and normal survival things but I just couldn't stand to look in Hannah's face another day to give her bad news. I asked Patricia if she would call and ask if we could get a break on the shipping and get a guarantee that we could get it before Saturday. After explaining to the lady at Windsor Store out situation and what we wanted they informed us that Hannah had not been selected for the Cinderella Project. She put her on hold a couple of times and after the whole thing was over the lady told Patricia that they had decided to make Hannah a Cinderella Project winner and provide her with the dress of her choice. We told them the dress that Hannah had picked out. The had one in her size and are mailing it out today to be here Thursday!!! Is that flippin' awesome or what?
Anyway. I don't understand why I spend so much time worrying when God has my back. GOD HAS MY BACK!!!

Blessings
Allen

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Obedience with your whole heart

2 Chronicles 25:2 Amaziah did what was pleasing in the Lord's sight, but not wholeheartedly.
I was reading my devotional a few days ago which happened to be based on 2 Chronicles 25-26. When i first saw the passage I thought, "Great, still in 2 Chronicles". As soon as I got to verse two I was already convicted. I had just beem guilty of the same thing as Amaziah. I was taking time to be in the Word but I wasn't doing it wholeheartedly. I was doing what was pleasing to the Lord but I wasn't doing it with a pure heart. I was in the Word because of the obligation. We are supposed to be in the Word, right? We are supposed to go to church, right?
How many times I get in the car on Sunday morning and think how badly I need something powerful from God. How much I desire to hear His voice and experience Him and a fresh, new way. But that is not the reason I go to church. I go out of obligation. I am not going because I love God or His people. As I sit here writing this I am listening to Natalie Grant's "The Real Me". How appropriate. God knows the real me and that is scary. He knows that all the "things" I do are not all done with a pure heart. Sometimes I do things to get attention. Sometimes I do things to gain applause. I've worked hard to develop my craft, it's ok to show off once in a while, right? It's ok to accept a pat on the back once in a while, right?
I think that is what Amaziah thought too. As long as he obeyed the law of the Lord that's all that mattered. He didn't take into account his heart and that God would rather have one deed done with a pure heart than a thousand sacrifices without.
So, I have been pretty beaten up. I have been very vocal in my opinions about the "worship" in most churches. I have voiced my opinion about the "Worship Leaders" taking the stage in churches today with their freshly whitened teeth and their tanned faces. Worship has become a gimmick used to get people into church and worship leaders are using their responsibilities as a means to showcase their talents and the abilities of their bands all the time raising their hands as an offering of praise and worship as they crack the corner of their eye to make sure the congregation is watching. I think Benny Hinn and others in the healing business would call that "Priming The Pump". They are accustomed to throwing a "fake" in every so often to pime the pump and to increase the faith of the congregation.
Anyway, when the book of my life is written, I don't want the words to be, "Allen did what was pleasing to the Lord, but not wholeheartedly". I want it to say, "Allen, loved the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind and had a deep to desire to know God as deeply as a human being possibly can this side of heaven. He read the Word not out of obligation but out of a sincere desire to know God. He was a passionate worshipper and sang and played not to showcase His talents and abilities but to lead God's people to a place of worship of a God Who was truely worthy".
Maybe that's a lot to ask.

Blessings
Allen

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Awesome Architecture

1 Chronicles 2:5
This will be a magnificent Temple because our God is an awesome God, greater than any other.
I remember back when I was in the ministry full time that I would spend hours each day praying. One of my most common prayers what that God would fill the temple with His presence. I would read the stories of the Tabernacle and find my heart longing for the Shekinah; the manifested presence of God. My desire was that God's presence would be so evident in our services that the mountains would shake and people would be forced to their faces in worship. I guess that desire wasn't all bad. There were times when I would feel like God was so close to coming and taking control of everything and then a baby would cry or somebody would leave for the bathroom or a smoke break. "How disrespectful", I thought.
I remember praying this same prayer one day and I stopped because I just couldn't pray this prayer anymore. I couldn't understand why God had neglected my prayer. I was beginning to get angry about it. This particular day I stopped praying because God interupted me. I had come to the point of exhaustion and had no more words to say. All I could do was lay across the stage in the Worship Center and remain quiet. It's funny that when you get quiet that God is the most vocal. I could hear Him saying "Boy, I answer this prayer every Sunday morning". How could I have missed that!!! God had manifested Himself and I missed it? I was astounded and outraged. I asked, "How did I miss Your presence? Am I so out of touch that I didn't even see You when you came?" He said, "Everytime my people come into this building the Temple is filled with my presence because my presence dwells in the hearts of believers". Our bodies are the Temple of God. That speaks volumes to me. These verses in 1 Chronicles are the words of Solomon. God had appointed him to build a magnificent temple in which His people could worship. Solomon so wanted to honor God that no expense was spared. The best trees, the best gold, the best silver. The Temple was a site to behold. There could be no question that this Temple was for the worship of Jehovah, the God Who created everything. The God who parted the Red Sea. The God who filled the Tabernacle in the desert. There could be no mistaking this temple for one of the temples of the pagan Gods. Even though his image was not there His presence was.
Well, history will tell you that this temple was distroyed. Long before the presence of God had left. The Temple building would be distroyed, built back and destroyed again. The "religion" of Israel would become an object of mocking. Then another Temple of God was built. After the resurrection of Jesus the Holy Spirit came and filled the believers. We are told that we are the temple of God. The very presence of God inhabits us. There should be no mistake that our temples belong to the One True God. There should be nothing that would lead others to beleive that we belong to anyone else but the God of creation.
So what does this mean? I am under such conviction about this. I have not taken care of the temple of God. Sure I read the Bible, I only read Christian books. I go to church and even sing on the Praise Team. All the time still praying that God would fill the temple. It's hard for God to fill me when I'm full of cheesecake and Diet Coke.
My conviction is this. I must take the steps to allow God to be honored with the Temple He inhabits. Only then will the cloud rest above my head and the pillar of fire light my way.
God I want to honor You with all of my being. I want my temple to be a magnificent temple because You are an awesome God, greater then any other.

Blessings
Allen

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Shack

I just finished reading The Shack. I don't know what to say....this book is packed with so much that it is hard to take it in. For the past few weeks while I was reading the book I found myself thinking about the lessons contained in it. I don't want to give away anything but I will say this. I found that the conversations between Mack and God that went on for chapters a little monotinouse at times and found myself about to flip forward a few pages. Each time I was tempted to do so I felt that God was telling me not to skip one word of this book. As I continued to read I found almost every time that there was something powerful written within the text of what I almost skipped over.
I am a very passionate person and since I am a musician I guess tend to be in touch with my sensitive side. I found myself having to close the book and take time to weep uncontrollably. It is hard for me to think of God in such a personal and intimate way. Even though I have been teaching for years that God wants and desired that kind of relationship with us I always thought that excluded me. I can't imagine God referring to me and saying, "I am especially fond of that one". I suppose that this book is the first step on a journey for me. A journey that will drawy me close to God. Not a big and mighty God, even though He is big and mighty, but a real, walk with me, talk with me God. A God that I can call Papa. www.theshackbook.com
I have been trying to write a song for weeks that I can't seem to get down on paper. Sometimes the words come easy for me. Most of the time the melody comes at the same time. Each time I sit down to the piano I seem to be so clogged with what I want to say. I can't seem to get the poetic flow or the words out. I guess I could send this idea to Taylor Swift and then it wouldn't matter if it rhymed or had any poetic flow. LOL!
A few weeks ago we attended a youth service and one of the kids gave a brief testimony about his dad being away serving in Iraq. He told a story about when his dad came home after one of his deployments. He said that all the soldiers got off the plane and began to walk toward their families and out of the sea of tan he spotted his dad. He recongnized him by the way he walked. I grabbed my pen and pad and wrote down, "I know the way He walks". My impression was that in the sea of all the distractions and things that fight to gain our attention that we can cut through the maze of people and things and recognize the Father by the way He walks. Those of us who have a history of God walking close to us, taking care of us in unexplainable ways and carrying us through unimaginable circumstances know what I am saying. We know God in such a way that we can recognize His walk because we have walked with him, we know His voice because we have heard it many times before and we know the way He speak to us.
I was taking my daily walk around my neigborhood the other day and I felt God saying to me, "I started giving you the inspiration and background for this song several years ago. All of a sudden my mind was taken back to a time years ago when Patricia and I had taken a group of kids to Super WOW in Jekyll Island. I was taking a much needed walk to get a break from the stress of tending to 30 plus teenager and chaperones. One of my kids from a previous youth group that I had taught in 9th grade was serving on staff that year. She came by on her bike and said, "I thought I recognized that walk". It never even registered with me what she had just said. It always seemed that I learned so much more from my kids than they learned from me. This just reminds me that God is always weaving. He is always working toward bringing honor to Himself. Sometimes it takes years.
I still have no idea how this song will be written. I have so many thoughts. One direction is to concentrate on how our lives are to be lived in faithfulness. Our walk of faith should be recognized by those around us. The other direction is to concentrate on God's faithfulness and how our relationship with Him should such that we should be able to recognize His walk.
It is no secret that our family has had our share of trials. But as we look back over the history that we have with our loving Father that we can see Him working and weaving. Our prayer now is that we won't just see Him when we get through this time of unemployment and uncertainty but that we will see Him ON THE ROAD. That we will be able to cut through the maze of people and things and situations and circumstances and pick Him out because we know the way He walks.

Blessings
Allen

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

God hates our "Worship"

Amos 5-21-24 I hate all your show and pretense--the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offering. I won't even notice all your choice peace offerings. Away with your hymns of praise! They are only noise to my ears. I will not listen to your music, no matter how lovely it is. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, a river of righteous living that will never run dry.
WOW!
As a worship leader I didn't know how to take these words from Amos. I didn't know they existed until I was reading an article in the new Worship Leader magazine and it mentioned it. It seems that Amos and I would have been either best friends or fierce enemies. I am not a very popular person because of my views on worship. I tired long ago of the worship leaders with teeth so white they looked liked Chiclets. I became bored with singing songs about how great God was when most of the praise team were living secret lives of sin and refused to do anything about it. I got frustrated with leadership that wouldn't trust or support me. I grew impatient with pastors who looked at me like I was from another planet when I spoke of God speaking to me. It frustrated me when I was told what style to lead or what song to use or what group of people to keep happy or "minister" to. WHAT?!!! God must be so tired of us. We spend so much of our time trying to please everybody other than Him. When we finally do get a clue or have an "AHA" moment we are so burdened down with spiritual junk that the words we say and the songs we sing don't get past the top of our heads much less the ceiling.
As I said, I am not very popular. I don't believe that God only speaks to the pastor or only speak to me through His Word. I am either stupid or gulible enough to beleive that He cares enough about me that He will speak to me on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and every other day of the week. He doesn't expect me wait until I can pull over to the side of the road and get my Bible out or wait until Sunday when the pastor speaks for me to hear His voice. God speaks to me. Get over it!!
He doesn't usually speak to me through music even though music is such a big part of who I am. It is very often through His Word and also through the pastors words. But there are those times when I hear God in an almost audible way. I hear Him say, "Boy". That's what He calls me. When I hear that I know it's time to turn the radio off, pull the car over or find a quiet place so that I can listen. It's usually something like, "Boy, why are you so angry?" "Boy, why are you defeated?" "Boy, don't you know that I love you?"
Anyway, back to the words of Amos. God hates what we have done to worship. We have cheapened it and made it more about the worshippers than the object of our worship. Where do we get the idea that we are supposed to be happy with the song selection. Where do we get off putting God in a box of 20 or thirty minutes? I will not even sit in the same room with a worship leader who hasn't spent more time in prayer and personal preparation than he or she spends fixing their hair or chosing their clothes. I remember watching a worship leader singing the song, "Jesus, Lover of my soul" and thinking each time they sang, "It's all about You" their lives and actions were screaming out "It's all about me".
I too, have fallen into that trap. Being a worship leader is a very tough job. We must constantly keep ourselves in check. We must examine our motives and acitons. We must take a long look at the way we feel led to worship. Does it bring more glory and honor to God or us?
What God desires more than the music and the applause is to see His temple decorated with a mighty flood of justice and a river of righteousness.
Worship go so much further than the songs we sing. I wish God would bring a direct revelation to each member, every pastor, elder and deacon. Maybe He will.

Blessings
Allen

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Asking the Hard Questions

"But Lord," Gideon replied, "How can I resuce Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!" Judges 6:15

I was reading my devotion for February 27th and I just happened to be in the book of Judges. I remember turning to the page and half yawning thinking "Gees! I really need something from God's Word today and here I am in Judges." I started reading at verse 1 of chapter 6 and found myself reading far past the required 8th chapter. I found myself riveted to the events of the story of Gideon. I have heard them a thousand times before but I guess this day they just seemed to hit home.
We are told so often that we should never question God. That we should just live our lives Pollyanna style and never ever question the events of our lives. Gideon started out his life as the least of his tribe and his family and ended it as one of the greatest warriors recorded in the Bible. The thing is this; he just followed God's instructions and never even had to raise a sword to fight the Mideonites. God fought on his behalf and they distroyed themselves. WOW!!!!
But that is not what struck me this day.
I had finished the reading and went back to read what the devotional had to say. What it said was that Gideon had the audacity to quesiton God. God told him that He was sending him to fight the Midianites. "Who, Me?" he asked. "Are you sure". "This is Gideon and I'm just here to hide this wheat so the Midianites won't steal it". God had other plan and we all know how the story ends. Gideon obeys, God shows up and the rest is history.
I have lots of questions these days. Patricia and I were both laid off from our jobs on February 12th. Here it is right in the middle of the toughest economic times in our lifetime and we get laid off. It's not like we can just walk right into new jobs right now. There are only about 6 million people out of work in this country. The numbers are staggering. I have lots of questions but I guess I never really thought to ask God the questions that were running around in my mind. I took Gideons approach. I decided to stop right there and then and ask God the hard questions. I really didn't expect an answer right away but before I could get the question out of my mouth I could already hear the voice of God saying, "This is for my glory".
Well I guess this is it. My whole life in a nutshell. Bring God glory no matter what. I remember sitting across the table from the Hubach's and hearing the news that both of us were being laid off. I had so many things I had planned to say. Even though they have taken a company that was built on the principles of honoring God first and made it into anything but that. Even though I have witnessed unfair and unethical business practices. Even though they both profess to be believers and see no wrong in the things they say or do. Even though I could shake my finger in their face and give them a dose of what was coming to them I wasn't permitted to do so. I could only hear the voice of God saying, "Honor me. Obey me and I will fight the battle for you". I did get an opportunity to tell them that I was not surprised and that I knew that God was not surprised. I told them that our church family had already been praying about our job situation and that we would be ok. Of course they looked at us like we were from Mars. They don't understand what it is to live a life of faith. To depend on God for everything. To charge into life unafraid and unashamed. To truly stand on the promises of God. God promises are true. Sure, we are about to live our lives with Unemployment as our only income. We are already blessed. We are not saddled down with debt. Our mortgage and car payments are not late and we have very little that we cannot live without. God knew all this in advance. We just moved into a new home in August and our first inclination was to buy furniture and spend a lot of money getting the things we wanted. We didn't feel a peace about that so we decided to keep the furniure we had. We love our car but it is just a car. If the time comes that we can't pay for it, we'll find something we can afford. There is nothing that we have that we cannot live without. They are just things. All across this country people are losing their homes and posessions due to the current economic state. In the vast numbers I'm sure that we are not the only believers that have found themselves in this situation. Unbelievers may say, "where is your God? If He cares so much about you then why are you sitting home looking for a job like the rest of us?
Where is He? He is right here. Walking beside us whispering to us, "It's going to be OK". "This is for my glory".
Just because we are believers does not make us immune to the things that happen in this world. It is all in our response to those situations. No matter what happens, we must honor God. We must bring Him glory. If we run around in cirlces and dress in sackcloth and ashes like the rest of the world then what difference will the world see between us and them?
We may lose it all. The repo man may come to our door and pull the car away. We may eventually get a letter from our mortgage company asking us to vacate our home. As much as I don't won't either of those to happen, I am content. I am content to live my life in accordance with God's Word. If we obey Him, He will fight for us.
Blessings

Allen

Thursday, January 29, 2009

God is My Shelter

Psalm 91:1-2 "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust Him."

So my sister, Kathy, who I never see because she decided to abandoned her family to move to Marietta with her husband, was in town for a few days.

I don't do well this time of year because of my Seasonal Depressive Disorder (yeah, it really does exist) so I was really needing my big sister. I had been sitting at work thinking how bad I hate it here and how difficult it seems that my life has been. It had been raining for days and I was just about to take visit to the gun store and come back and take care of some the splinters in my saddle here at work. That probably wouldn't have made me feel any better but anyway I was just thinking about it. Suddenly my cell phone rings and it's Kathy, she's in town and is coming by work to see me. I was so excited!! I was crying before I even got off the phone with her. I don't think that I do a really good job of masking my emotions but even when I try, she can always see right through the boloney.

So, she comes by and comes in my office and after the sermon she gives me for feeling down in the dumps, she prays with me and Tricia. Then she wants to meet the people that I work with. For any of you who think you might ever "mess" with me, let me give you fair warning; I have not just one big sister but three. Two of them will agree with whatever arguement you have with me and join in on the stoning. Not Kathy, she will beat the living crap out of you for messing with her little brother. The story is told of how when she and Vickie were little that a couple of bullies tried to attack Vickie. Kathey caught one of them by the hair and commenced to beat the living crap out of her. They were all best friends after that. That is a philosophy I still hold to today; make sure all your friends are people that you have beat the skittles out of at one time or the other. There is one other philosophy about always hanging around people who are uglier than you but that is for another post.
Anyway, back to the sermon. Kathy shared a passage of scripture with us from Psalm 91 and it has been such a comfort to me and Patricia in the past few weeks. "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest"......Those are words to live by. I guess I haven't been doing a good job of living in the shelter of the Most High because I have done everything but rest the past few weeks. My job has been aweful, our finances are in the toilet, I'm still fat....I'm pretty discontent in every area of my life. So I've been having to do a lot of repenting and praying. I still haven't gotten to the resting part though. It does seem that I am calmer. I was able to have a pretty decent conversation with God the other day without turning into a weeping pile of humanity. I still don't sleep much and the knot is still in my stomach every day I have to come to this place of employment. Verse two really conficts me, it says "he is my God, and I trust Him". Its really hard for me to trust. There's lots of reasons for that. I posted this Psalm on my wall and I make myself read it several times a day. Hopefully it will sink in to this very thick head(and heart) of mine.

Blessings
Allen