I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!I'm sorry—forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor. Job 42:5-6
I read this verse this morning in a book I am reading called "Secondhand Jesus". I have to admit; I am just at chapter 2 and normally a book has "grabbed" be by now. This one hasn't yet. I will keep reading though. I was struck by these verses. We are sometimes too content to live on the rumors of God. We listen to messages and hear testimonies of how God performed miracles in the lives of His people. The altars are full and for a few moments or days it looks like God has brought revival. We can't live our lives on the experiences of others. I guess that is where I find myself today. I feel like we're living in some remote corner of the universe alone. I feel like the experiences I have had with God are just distant memories or maybe even fantasies. I find myself in a place of discontentment. I am not content to live my life only knowing God through the stories and the experiences of others. (rumors) I know God to be real and active. I have experinced the presence of God and felt the heaviness of His holiness. I have been forced face down on the floor in repentance, confession and worship. So why am I so discontent now? I can't put my finger on it, I just know that there is more and I want it.
Amidst the rubble of what is our lives these days, God has brought confirmation in some areas. One of those confirmations came in the middle of Walmart last night and the other came in a meeting tonight. I cannot discuss the details of either of these things here but at least two areas are cleared up.
I find myself sitting in front of the computer when everyone else is in bed asleep. I cannot sleep because the events of the day keep running through my mind. I was reading a devotion today about the great revival of 1857 started with one man praying, "What will you have me do?". I am struck by those words and have prayed them several times today. I am prepared to do whatever it is. I am not content to live my life on rumors of who God is or what He is able to do. I am not willing to just listen to stories of how God has delivered. I will not be satisfied with just knowing God from a distance. I want to see Him face to face.
I remember a few years ago that this discontentment started when I picked up a book in the bookstore. I am very funny when it comes to the books I read. I am very picky. I am not a deep theological thinker so the things that appeal to others do not appeal to me. This particular day I was walking down the aisle in the Christian bookstore and a book caught my eye. It literally fell off the shelf into my hands. I read the back cover of the book and almost broke into tears. It seemed that whoever this author was had captured the desires of my heart between the pages of this book. I got home that day and started reading. I must remind you that I was raised Independent Baptist and had been Southern Baptist for years so the whole consept of the Holy Spirit was not something that we talked about that often. I remember in the beginning of the book the writer told a story of how God had manifested Himself. It seems that the presence of God was so powerful that a pulpit was split in half and people were forced to their faces. My first inclination was to close the book. "This can't be real" I told myself. I remember the dissapointment I felt that what I hoped would unleash the passion in my heart had been nothing more than another fairy tale. But then I heard the voice of God. I simple heard Him say, "Read this book, this is real". I read and read and read. This book changed my life. It made me a God Chaser. It brought me to a place of total discontentment and total contentment all at once.
I know that this all seems scattered and that I can't seem to complete a thought, but that is how I find myself. I am in a state of discontented contentment; unsatified satifaction. I keep reading this verse over and over again. I am not content to live on the rumors of God. I am not satisfied with crumbs. I will only be satisfied with the real thing.
Rumors of You
I am not content to live my life with stories of You
I do not intend to just believe what others say You’ll do
I want a passion ever burning
And a hunger ever yearning
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You
I want to know You
And I want to see You for myself
I want to touch You
I want to feel You for myself
I want Your breath to light the fire
Fan the flame of my desire
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You
I am not content to live my life just seeking Your hand
To live my life receiving only blessings is not in my plan
I want a passion ever burning
And a hunger ever yearning
I am not content to live my life with rumors of You
Blessings
Allen
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Questions
Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.
Today is September 11th. Eight years ago I remember standing in the fitness room of the YMCA watching the TV as the horrible events of that Tuesday morning unfolded. Ever since I was born I have had an invisible MP3 player playing in my head. I cannot remember a time in my life when there wasn't a song going in my head. I wake several times a night and, without fail, a song is playing. Usually it's an really upbeat song. I can't get it to stop and I can't fall back asleep until I manually change the song on the IPOD of my mind to something more soothing.
As I watched the TV that morning I remember that suddenly the music had stopped. It was a feeling I cannot explain. It was sort of like the dream where you are in your underwear in public. I felt suddenly naked. I had absolutely no song in my head. Even when I tried to manually start a song, no song came to mind. I remember going to the church that afternoon. I was supposed to lead worship the next Sunday so I went to the church to seek the face of God and direction for the service. This day was different. I sat at the piano and nothing happened. Usually sitting at the piano would start an intensely intimate time of personal worship. Usually I would start by playing the song that was in my head at the moment. But nothing happened. I had no song. I fell on my face before God and wept. I asked God, is this what this is about? Is this the beginning where you finally write "Ichabod" across this nation and the world. There was silence. No voice from God and no song. All I could do was weep and cry out to God. "How can I lead these people in worship on Sunday? What could I possibly bring to a congregation experiencing insurmountable hurt and fear?"
I sat at the piano again and placed my hands on the keys and began to tap out the tune, "This is no time for fear, this is time for faith and determination.....God is in control". I have to admit that I had never been a fan of that song. I was never even a Twila Paris fan. We didn't flow in the same circles and I thought the song was mismatched and choppy. I couldn't relate to the words or the music. Until that Tuesday afternoon.
Sunday morning came and instead of the usual upbeat song to open the service, I began by telling this story to the congregation. I began to softly play and sing the words, "This is no time for fear, this is a time for faith and determination...". I looked out, which I very seldom do, and there were tears, there were hugs. People slowly began to come to the altar and pray. God had brought us comfort in a time when the world and our nation was in total Chaos. He had shown us the "But with God" from this verse.
This writing today is for my family. Tomorrow marks seven months that we have been part of the statistic of unemployment. It's scary times for us and our nation. This week has been especially trying. We have faced drama at church, uncertainty in our finances and it seems that everywhere we turn there is another obstacle that has to be hurdled. The questions have come from you guys, "Why is everything so hard?". "Is there any area of our life that isn't a struggle?". I sat you each down on February 13th and told you that this would be a time when God would show Himself mighty, all we have to do is be faithful and trust Him. Trusting has been hard this week. There has been lots of talk about getting a bus and following our dream of traveling the country and leading worship. That is, after all, what we each feel called and created to do. I don't know if I'll wake one morning and a bus with "The Cooke's" will be parked in front of the house. I woke up this morning half way expecting a bus to parked outside and Ty Pennington steps out with a megaphone and says, "Good morning Cooke family. This is the day your dreams come true. God has heard your cries. Climb on and let's go!!! Bus driver, move that bus!!!" Of course that didn't happen. But with God everything is impossible.
Someone said something yesterday that struck me. They said, "God is doing something phenomenal, I can't wait to see what it is". Things look dark. I, myself, have questioned if I should just walk away. Surely your lives could not possibly be any worse. I was reading my devotion today and realized that I had not stopped yesterday to read a devotion. This was the verse from yesterday. The phrase, "But with God...". But with God, there is no such thing as impossible. But with God, there is no such thing as hopeless. But with God, there is no such thing as a has-been. But with God, there is no age requirement or limit. BUT WITH GOD......
Blessings
Allen
Today is September 11th. Eight years ago I remember standing in the fitness room of the YMCA watching the TV as the horrible events of that Tuesday morning unfolded. Ever since I was born I have had an invisible MP3 player playing in my head. I cannot remember a time in my life when there wasn't a song going in my head. I wake several times a night and, without fail, a song is playing. Usually it's an really upbeat song. I can't get it to stop and I can't fall back asleep until I manually change the song on the IPOD of my mind to something more soothing.
As I watched the TV that morning I remember that suddenly the music had stopped. It was a feeling I cannot explain. It was sort of like the dream where you are in your underwear in public. I felt suddenly naked. I had absolutely no song in my head. Even when I tried to manually start a song, no song came to mind. I remember going to the church that afternoon. I was supposed to lead worship the next Sunday so I went to the church to seek the face of God and direction for the service. This day was different. I sat at the piano and nothing happened. Usually sitting at the piano would start an intensely intimate time of personal worship. Usually I would start by playing the song that was in my head at the moment. But nothing happened. I had no song. I fell on my face before God and wept. I asked God, is this what this is about? Is this the beginning where you finally write "Ichabod" across this nation and the world. There was silence. No voice from God and no song. All I could do was weep and cry out to God. "How can I lead these people in worship on Sunday? What could I possibly bring to a congregation experiencing insurmountable hurt and fear?"
I sat at the piano again and placed my hands on the keys and began to tap out the tune, "This is no time for fear, this is time for faith and determination.....God is in control". I have to admit that I had never been a fan of that song. I was never even a Twila Paris fan. We didn't flow in the same circles and I thought the song was mismatched and choppy. I couldn't relate to the words or the music. Until that Tuesday afternoon.
Sunday morning came and instead of the usual upbeat song to open the service, I began by telling this story to the congregation. I began to softly play and sing the words, "This is no time for fear, this is a time for faith and determination...". I looked out, which I very seldom do, and there were tears, there were hugs. People slowly began to come to the altar and pray. God had brought us comfort in a time when the world and our nation was in total Chaos. He had shown us the "But with God" from this verse.
This writing today is for my family. Tomorrow marks seven months that we have been part of the statistic of unemployment. It's scary times for us and our nation. This week has been especially trying. We have faced drama at church, uncertainty in our finances and it seems that everywhere we turn there is another obstacle that has to be hurdled. The questions have come from you guys, "Why is everything so hard?". "Is there any area of our life that isn't a struggle?". I sat you each down on February 13th and told you that this would be a time when God would show Himself mighty, all we have to do is be faithful and trust Him. Trusting has been hard this week. There has been lots of talk about getting a bus and following our dream of traveling the country and leading worship. That is, after all, what we each feel called and created to do. I don't know if I'll wake one morning and a bus with "The Cooke's" will be parked in front of the house. I woke up this morning half way expecting a bus to parked outside and Ty Pennington steps out with a megaphone and says, "Good morning Cooke family. This is the day your dreams come true. God has heard your cries. Climb on and let's go!!! Bus driver, move that bus!!!" Of course that didn't happen. But with God everything is impossible.
Someone said something yesterday that struck me. They said, "God is doing something phenomenal, I can't wait to see what it is". Things look dark. I, myself, have questioned if I should just walk away. Surely your lives could not possibly be any worse. I was reading my devotion today and realized that I had not stopped yesterday to read a devotion. This was the verse from yesterday. The phrase, "But with God...". But with God, there is no such thing as impossible. But with God, there is no such thing as hopeless. But with God, there is no such thing as a has-been. But with God, there is no age requirement or limit. BUT WITH GOD......
Blessings
Allen
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