The Journey Is Over

Hey Guys
The past week or so has been a roller coaster of emotions for our family. It seems that once again we have found ourselves in the middle of controversy over worship. Patricia and I have spent our lives learning, studying, learning some more about worship. We don't claim to have our fingers on the pulse of God but we do feel that we have insight that very few people have. We have experienced God in all of His realness. We have had times when we felt that we were as close to God as a human was allowed to be and still be alive.
Our church has decided to follow the trend instead of the voice of God. I do not and never will believe that worship should be designed to please any group of people. It is up to God and His leadership via the Holy Spirit to keep us culteraly relavent. It is up to us to listen and follow and obey.
Ever since the discussion started to merge our church body with another church plant in the area there has been a definate push in the direction where we feel that the majority of churches are heading. It seems that the push to be Purpose Driven and follow the direction of Rick Warren is outweighing what is scriptural and what God has designed. Nowhere in scripture do we see an example or an instruction to design our worship around our culture. I get collective gasps each time I say that. It is what I believe. It is what God has taught me to believe.
I am a 48 year old man and can be set in my ways. Some music doesn't appeal to me but I still listen. Many people my age will only listen to one style. I am eclectic. I believe that God speaks through more than one style. (I struggle with whether He actually uses Southern Gospel or not) JK. What has kept me culturally relevant up to this point is my dedication to prayer and seeking God's will. Every song must meet serious critiria. It must be scripturally acurate. Style doesn't matter. The writer doesn't matter. The age of the song doesn't matter. It is my job once I feel led to pursue a song to make it condusive for worship, to arrange it an a style and key that makes it suitable for corporate worship and to pray, pray, pray for the leading to use it and then teach it to my team.
I am very discrouaged. I am having thoughts that maybe this is the season of my life when God has finished with me in this area and expects me to step aside and let Him use younger, fresher worshippers. Maybe this is the time that I need to support my kids and write songs for them and teach them how to lead worship.
I feel like Moses. Able to glance over into the Promised Land but not allowed to actually go there. I don't know if I can live an abudant life if I have to watch my kids go where my soul has always desired to go.
So, once again, the Cooke family is on the move. I never intended for our live to be like this, moving from church to church and never really finding what we are looking for. My family has been miserable at Journey and have only endured for my sake. I felt that Journey was the place that we could grow from the ground up. The small church has been very hard for us. I am used to leading choir, having a full band that actually practices and a plethura of voices to choose from.
Journey feels that the way I lead has become loud and distracting and that people are not able to worship. It couldn't possibly be the full set of drums and the 8 foot ceiling or the electric guitar blaring through one monitor speaker. It couldn't possibly be the one voice that no matter how bad it sounds seems to blare through the speakers. It most definately must be me.
I have lots of healing to do from past experiences and thought that Journey was the place that would allow me to do that. Instead I find that I am hurt all over again and the scabs have just been torn off and once again I am bleeding out of control.
I fully expected God to rush in in these last days and shake the stuff out of the church as a whole. He hasn't done that. The church is ineffetive as it stands and it is frustrating to watch it and know that God is able to change things and yet He chooses not to. The church is looking for "feel good" sessions and lacks the desire to know God fully. People don't hunger for God. I am heartbroken for the church. How can we expect to win a lost world? I am not interested in entertaining the masses. I am interested in following the passion of my heart, to sincerely worship God.
So the Journey is over. I guess the realization will hit me tomorrow. I have no idea where we go from here.

Blessings
Allen